shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
