also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
