dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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