too bad you live with your parents still
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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