One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
