And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
