i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
