people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
