I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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