He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
try to milk me bitch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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