It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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