It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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