the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm just crazy horny about you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
