i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
