Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
only you would photoshop your dick
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
