I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
