My liver just broke up with me...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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