I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
