Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
