btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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