Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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