he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
