I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
