I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
