got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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