he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
