It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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