a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
