I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im holly from the hills drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
