Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
