I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
