Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
