I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
