I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
