I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
