I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
