I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
