her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
