I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
