you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
