Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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