you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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