i may or may not be watching the land before time
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
