I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
