Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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