He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
