It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
