I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
