a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
