he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
