yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
