omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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