How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
