Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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